Why so emotional?
Your Emotions Are Not Random
The mood you are in right now is not an accident. And I don’t just mean that it depends on what happened to you earlier—this explanation is too simple and often misleading.
Because people react to the same event differently. As Clint Eastwood said, “We boil at different degrees.” What makes one person angry might make another cry.
How we react to life depends on an internal process of appraisal—an unconscious evaluation of two critical factors at any given moment:
Our own control: How much power we perceive ourselves to have over events in this moment.
The world's attitude toward us: Whether the world feels warm and giving or cold and hostile in this moment.
I’ve developed a tool called EmoMap . This map plots emotions on a two-dimensional system based on two key perspectives:
The X-axis: Represents how we perceive the world (from hostile and taking away to generous and giving).
The Y-axis: Represents how we perceive ourselves (from high control and autonomy to minimal control and helplessness).
At the center of the Emomap is the optimal state, a place of emotional balance and readiness. In this state, you are stable and prepared to face life. You’re not overly confident, but you don’t underestimate your abilities either. Similarly, you don’t expect the world to love you unconditionally, but you also don’t see it as an aggressive enemy.
This balanced state resembles what many aim for in meditation—a state of nonjudgmental equanimity.
However, emotions are deviations from this central point, and where they fall on the map depends on your current appraisal of yourself and the world.
The Four Emotional Quadrants
EmoMap divides emotions into four quadrants, based on self- and world-appraisals. Each quadrant represents a distinct emotional profile:
Upbeat Positive (High Control, Generous World)
Emotions: Happiness, inspiration, ecstasy, affection, pride.
Appraisal: High control and a supportive world create feelings of joy and empowerment.
Example: Happiness arises when you feel capable and supported by the world.
High-Arousal Negative (High Control, Hostile World)
Emotions: Anger, jealousy, frustration, rage, defensiveness.
Appraisal: Feeling capable but perceiving the world as hostile sparks action-oriented emotions.
Example: Anger reflects a belief that you can act against a perceived threat.
Low-Control Negative (Low Control, Hostile World)
Emotions: Sadness, despair, fear, shame, hopelessness.
Appraisal: Feeling powerless in a hostile environment generates vulnerability and distress.
Example: Despair arises when you feel unsupported and without agency.
Low-Control Positive (Low Control, Generous World)
Emotions: Craving, dependence, nostalgia, vulnerability, attraction.
Appraisal: A generous world combined with low control fosters emotions tied to longing or reliance.
Example: Craving reflects a yearning for something perceived as abundant but inaccessible.
Illusory vs. Real Appraisals
It is important to remember that appraisals are not always accurate. They can be shaped by:
Past experiences: Traumas, habits, or schemas may lead to biased views of the world or yourself.
We can overestimate or underestimate our control, or see the world as more hostile or more generous than it really is.
Despite being illusory, these appraisals generate real emotions that influence your thoughts, actions, and well-being.
Practical Uses of EmoMap
EmoMap is a tool for understanding emotions and regulating them. Using EmoMap, you can reflect on your current mood and ask yourself:
Why do I appraise the world and myself this way in this moment?
How accurate is my appraisal?
Is my perception aligned with reality or shaped by habits, biases, or past experiences?
Recognize when your emotions are the result of distorted appraisals.
Practice returning to the center—a balanced state where emotions feel less overpowering.
Train your emotional regulation by observing how your appraisals influence your emotional trajectory over time.
There are many other ways one can use the map, and I will be writing about it.
Click here to access the Interactive EmoMap 👉 HERE
