Invisible Middle-Aged Women
I want to talk about a phenomenon I've been hearing a lot about lately: how middle-aged women become invisible to society. There are a lot of conflicting feelings and confusion around the topic. Reflecting on it for myself, and talking to clients and girlfriends, I’ve come to the conclusion that, as a society, we are on the verge of creating a new age bracket for women. There is a desperate need for it, but no previous experience to rely on.
Data and personal stories show that the magic number that puts the invisibility hat on a woman is 50. Research is clear that hormonal changes correlate with psychological well-being. It is well known that wacky estrogen and its drastic decrease during menopause cause a lot of damage to women’s health—both psychological and physical.
Subjectively, changes occur in mental and physical states, and most importantly, in self-perception.
Here’s a bit of general psychology information: We can’t help but perceive ourselves as a reflection of our place in society. Social learning and experience shape our lives into adulthood. Until we come of age and are able to make our own decisions, we don’t choose what surrounds us: the family we are born into, the lifestyle our parents can afford, etc. But even when we become adults, we may continue reacting to the external environment, not making conscious choices but following a stimulus-response pattern.
At the same time, each of us together we form a society. And evolutionary a society had two demands of each individual human being: survive and procreate. Society has its own goal to survive, and these goals could go against an individual person's goals. But if each individual survives long enough to procreate, society will continue forever. For a long time, society has focused its attention on those humans who would be helpful in achieving this.
Women’s reproductive age is shorter than men’s. We don’t know the reason, but some smart people believe that women are better at raising kids. They don’t go off to fight in wars and don’t get killed by enemies as often as men. This allows them to live longer to raise children. In any case, women biologically stop being able to produce offspring earlier than men. This reproductive age limit for women is typically around 50—menopause.
In a society that evolved to reward reproductive potential, women after 50 lose the spotlight. It may feel like becoming invisible. And that feeling may trigger different emotions. Some women, proud of being feminists all their lives, are frustrated at themselves for paying too much attention to changes in their physical appearance. Some women are genuinely concerned about their changing looks. In any case, it feels as though an asset has been lost—something women had before but no longer possess. That asset is reproductive age, which is detected automatically by the collective unconscious and resonated with women. “I am seen, because I can reproduce.”
It is not a conscious choice. We do it collectively, as a society. A society that has its own goal: to survive.
Closer to the end of their reproductive age, women may behave differently. Some women are not ready to give up their place in the spotlight and invest in rejuvenation procedures, trying to “look young and beautiful.” When budget isn’t an issue, it may provide some temporary relief—but not for long. Because they know. Because everyone knows. Because they know everyone knows. Reproduction is no longer on the table.
Some women get angry and rebel. Some blame patriarchy or blame themselves. Some women are happily (or unhappily) put on sweatpants and let gray hair dominate. Whatever reaction a woman has to this change will be dictated by how she sees herself in the eyes of society, and whether she can accept the fact she is out of reproductive age. If flirting and catcalls were something a woman liked (openly or secretly), she will notice they’ve stopped and may feel, “I am invisible to them.” If being beautiful (aka young) is unconsciously associated with survival, a woman may become depressed. If she suppresses her own desire to be seen as young, she may get anxious. Or she may simply accept the transformation.
Because times have changed, and it is important. We live longer lives, and unlike our ancestors, whose reproductive lifespan ended with life itself, we live much longer after we lose the ability to have children. A discussion already started in science and politics on how our society should adjust to this unheard-of life expectancy. Things have changed too fast. Just in 1950, world life expectancy was 45 years; now it is 75. So, we have, in our hands, 30 years after reproductive age is over. We better find a solution to improve women mental health.
And I believe we are on the verge of creating a new age group for women, one that is seen by society in a different light, beyond reproduction. And there are already examples of women out there whose presence is strong and noticeable, unrelated to their youth: artists, scientists, activists, politicians. They are visible after their 50s, and some become even more visible than before because their ability to bear children is no longer a factor, and they have transformed. This is a very new era we live in.
